Northwest Corruption!

So today my coworker laughed at me because of how I ordered my coffee at Starbucks today. When I asked him what was so funny, he asked me if I remembered the story I told him about trying to get a cup of coffee at an espresso stand.
You see, I moved here to Washington from New Jersey about 12 years ago (12 years! Holy crap!!). At the time in NJ, there were no espresso stands and I never even heard of a Starbucks. The only people that drank espressos were snobs or Italians. If you wanted coffee, you’d go to Dunkin’ Donuts. I always got mine with cream and sugar, so you would ask for it light and sweet. One morning on the way to work, I got curious about all the coffee stands, so I pulled up to one and simply asked, “Can I get a coffee, light and sweet?” The barista looks down at me with a disgusted look on her face, hand at her hip with almost a valley girl like voice and says, “Ugh, We don’t have just coffee.” I was a little bit confused at this point. I look back at her and say in a similar tone, “Um, OK. What do you have that tastes like coffee?” She rolls her eyes, looks away from me, smacks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and says to me, “Well, we have an Americano.” At this point I’m seriously annoyed. “OK then, give me an Americano light and sweet.” She looks back at me with that same disgusted look and asks me, “What’s ‘light and sweet’ mean?” I looked at her like she must be the biggest idiot in the world and reply, “…umm…with cream and sugar.” I’m about to just leave when I see her bring out the coffee. “That’s gonna be $2.50,” as she hands me the coffee. “What?! For coffee!!” Very quickly she replies, “It’s a Americano.” It took about 5 years and a promise of a free coffee from a friend for me to try an espresso place after that.
Alright back to the other story. Here is my order when the barista asked me what I wanted at Starbucks, Grande White Chocolate Mocha with Soy, No whip, No foam, and extra hot. I had to laugh when my coworker pointed that out to me. As you can see, the Northwest has corrupted me.

Do nice guys finish last?

This is going to be weird for the few people that know me. Lately I have the desire to be a better person. Not better in a "I want to be smarter" type of way, but like in a nice, likable person sort of way. Sometime back, I was quite the popular person. Everyone liked me. Crazy I know. I used to be a nice guy who enjoyed helping people. I was a pretty happy about it. Some rough things happened in my life and things started to change. At first it seemed like it didn’t bother me, just rolled with the punches I guess. Some time later it seems that worse things start to happen. At this point it seems like everything and everyone I cared about has tried to burn me. I guess I became so hurt that I build up a wall to make sure I don’t get hurt again (Not really my viewpoint, but 10 people telling me this cant be wrong). I have, at this point in my life, become jaded. I didn’t know I was jaded. I would tell myself that I was just a realist.
I worked so hard to stop caring that now it’s hard for me to care. Not about important stuff like my family, but about other stuff. I put on this persona that nothing bothers me. Big old grumpy guy that no one really likes to be around (Honestly though, I do it so people dont ask me to help them. I have a real hard time saying, No). Recently one of my good friend's stepfather passed away. He was a good person. I would even say a great man. There were so many people around him during his final hours. He touched so many lives that people just wanted to be near him at least once more before he left. I was so overwhelmingly moved by this. I started to think about when I died. I realized that there would be very few people that would care if I went. No one cares if the grumpy, unhappy guy leaves. Actually most people would quietly be grateful. I don’t think I want to be that guy anymore. My problem now is that I don’t know how to be nice. I suppose that I will have to fake it.

I thought this was going to be fun....

So I have been working some long days trying to get a new inferstructor in place. This week is D-Day for actually setting up this new thing called VMWare. Pretty kool stuff actually, but this week’s install has left me feeling like a zombie. So after working for 16 hours straight on Tuesday, I get called back into work at 2:30 am (That's right folks, 2:30AM!!). I end up working another 8 or 9 hours until my boss catches me drooling on my keyboard. "Maybe you should go home Rico," my boss says. Great! I get to go get some rest, sweet!! Got home, got some grub, got some sleep.
The next day I get to work at my normal time to find that my boss took the rest of the week off to recoup. GRR! Whatever, he's the boss and they get to do that, right? So, I'm at my desk working on figuring out how to do a P to V (Physical to Virtual Migration, look it up, its kool) of a File server, when I get a phone call from my boss. He pull the old Bill Lumbergh on my (Office Space reference, watch it is hilarious), "I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday to do one more migration." Oh well, so much for drinking this weekend.

My Wife is Freaking Awesome

My wife decided that we should have brunch at her sister’s house on Saturday morning (This is not why she’s awesome. Actually I was seriously annoyed that we were going because I just wanted to stay home.) So we decided that after brunch I would leave to go to a friend’s house, which was in the area, and install my CD player in his garage. We took both our cars and I was following her up to her sister’s house. Then I noticed my wife kind of driving erratically and honking at someone. The car in front of her pulls into a Safeway parking lot and she pull in her Jeep right behind him. At this point I was thinking, “Oh great, she got into an accident. How much is this gonna cost us?” My wife gets out of her car, rushes over to the car that she pulled behind of and yanks the door open. By this time I have already parked and started walking up to her. I can hear her screaming at someone but still not quite sure what was going on until I got behind her. “…I saw you hit her!! You never put your hand on a woman like that!!” my wife yells. Apparently my wife was behind them and saw this guy pounding away at the woman in the passenger seat, who was his girlfriend. He was hitting her so hard that he was loosing control of the car. My wife tells the woman in the passenger seat, “You don’t have to be with this looser. I’ll take you where ever you need to go.” The woman exclaims, “This is my car!” My wife looks to the guy, who had his head down with his hands will on the steering wheel, “Get out of her car!!” She keeps repeating her self for a few minutes telling him that he needs to get out. “I just pushed her,” he says. My wife counters back, “I saw you beating on her!!!” Now a small crowd has started to gather and I am explaining to them what has happened. A few women plead with the woman from the car to leave him. “Call the police and have him arrested!” some of them cry. Now she is starting to make excuses for him as to why she shouldn’t press charges. “He’s only here because of me.” It seems that she came up from Utah to visit her daughter in Washington. After the crowd dwindles down, it’s just my wife and I standing there, he decides to step out of the car. His eyes were blood shot red as though he had been drinking. He walks toward the grocery store and sits up against the wall.
My wife is still pleading with the woman from the car to leave him. The woman is still making excuses for him. “You don’t owe him anything! He isn’t worth keeping around. Leave him here! He’s a grown man, he can figure it out. Bus passes are cheap.” After telling her that, my wife suggests calling her daughter to pick her up. The woman calls her daughter and hands the phone to my wife. She explains to the daughter what has just transpired. The daughter decides to come to pick her up and brings her cousin. A few minutes after my wife got off the phone; the man comes back up and apologizes to the woman for hitting her. “You think that is gonna make things OK? You a real piece of shit you know that.” It seems that my wife has given the woman the courage to stand up for herself. The man turns around and heads back to the wall of the grocery store he was leaning on. After a few more minutes, her daughter shows up with her cousin. They are all talking among themselves and my wife is explaining to them the woman just needs to leave the man in the parking lot to figure out how he was going to get himself home. They agreed with my wife except for the woman who was still making up excuses for him. My wife gives the woman her cell phone number and tells her that she needs to press charges against him. “I’ll be a witness for you,” my wife says, “You don’t need him.” She hugs the woman and promises to talk it over with her daughter.
I am so proud that my wife is willing to stand up for what is right. To my wife, if you are reading this, you’re freaking awesome.

Baby Shower

Well it seems that I am the bad guy yet again. At this point it shouldn’t come to anyone as a surprise. This last weekend I was forced to go to a baby shower. “But Rico, Isn’t baby showers suppose to be for women?” That’s what I thought. Apparently someone thought it would be a “great idea” to have a coed baby shower so the guys wouldn’t feel left out. Really??!! You honestly thought that guys would want to be a part of this? I even told them that I would be glad to take the guys out drinking instead (sorry guys, I tried). I even suggested that the guys get a pool tournament going (yes there was a pool table there, but we were NOT allowed to play), but still no. So as I sat there contemplating what would be the best way to cut myself (Just kidding. On a serious note, if you cut yourself you need to get some help.), I realized that none of the guys were volunteering for the games. So I decided to volunteer to get this night over with faster. I could not resist the opportunity to share my distain for the event. So the guys got through the night. We lost the little competition thing that they had going to the girls. Big shocker that was seeing as how the only judge for the event was a women! Anyways, I ended up getting a lot of dirty looks from the girls. Surprisingly not from my wife who thanked me for participating to get it going. I think I may have even gotten a few points. Sweet!!

Are you crazy?!

It’s insane to me that there are so many women out there that think its ok to still act like we are in high school. For some reason, many women feel that playing little mind games is still ok. Some how, I believe, women derive pleasure from confusing guys. They purposefully misinterpret any information received to make things more confusing or complicated. This has got to stop.

So many women claim that they want better communication with the men in their lives. Yet they do not try, in earnest, to improve it. I have been asked by women, “How does a guy think?” They ask this because they, for some ungodly reason, can’t seem to fathom that guys usually say what they mean. “What?? Why would you say what you mean?? I don’t understand.” Women seem compelled to try to understand what men are trying to say, instead of just accepting what was said. Guys, for the most part, are not that complicated. Our thought process is linear, Choice - Cost-Benefit? - Decision. As you can see here, the man has a choice to make. First he weighs several factors to determine what the benefits are. Then he makes his decision based on what is most beneficial. There is a case to be made for short term vs. long term benefit, however the process is the still same. Women seem to be all over the place, making what should be a trivial thing insanely complicated. Here’s a classic example.

A couple getting ready to go out to dinner.
Woman: “How do I look?’
Man: “Good”
Woman: “What do you mean, ‘Good’? Should I change? What would look better? Should I were the red one?”
Man: “What?? Honey you look fine. We need to go now or we are going to be late.”
Woman: “‘Fine,’ so you think I look bad? I should change.”
Man: “What?? I didn’t say that. You look good, so can we please just go?”
Woman: “Is it the hair? Should I wear it up?
Man: “What are you talking about?? I said you look good. We need to go to make the reservations.”
Woman: *Crying* “But you think I look ugly. I can’t go out looking like this! I don’t want to go anymore!”
Man: *Confused* “Um, ok. Then we’ll just stay home.”
Woman: *Still crying* “I knew it! You do think I look ugly!” *Runs to the bathroom and locks herself in.*
Man: *Thinks to himself* “What just happened?*

This is actually quite typical. Ladies, if you really want to have better communication with the men in your live, SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!! Don’t expect guys to know what you are thinking. Guys can not read your minds. Remember K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid). If you would stop trying to be so cryptic with what you say, you and your partner would be happier.

Friend

Me: so, why is it that you believe that we "need to talk"?
Friend: because I feel that our connection is a little congested and I want to clear the line
Me: our connection?
Friend: ultimately, because I care about you and the connection between us

Now this is the beginning of a conversation with a friend of mine. I was sorry I even asked. You would think that I was talking to a girlfriend or something. I was talking to a guy. A guy that apparently does not understand my humor (even though we have known each other for almost 10 years) and is sensitive…too sensitive. I already have a wife; I do not need a girlfriend.
He is upset at an email that I replied to him about some violin player that gets passed up doing a street performance. I have to say I didn’t care at all about this article. The only reason I even read this article is because the last time he sent me an article, I didn’t read it. In fact I asked him to stop sending me that kind of stuff (I admit that I was not “nice” when I replied, but it’s not any different than how I am normally).
So now he’s hurt. He thinks that we need to talk face to face to repair “our relationship.” You gotta be kidding me. I am not the type of person that is easily offended. My friends and I generally sit around and try to out do each other with offensive jokes. Honestly, I am starting to wonder if it is even worth it. I don’t need a friend that is going to go ‘emo’ on me because I hurt his feelings. GET OVER IT.
I am so tired of having to walk on eggshells around people who are too sensitive. “You hurt my feelings.” WHAT?!! Did I kill your favorite pet or something? No, all I did was say something and YOU decided that YOU would allow it to hurt your feelings. So because YOU have a problem that mentally YOU can not deal with, I should tip toe around you and be nice. For some reason that I will never understand, people have gone to this place that words hurt. Words don’t hurt. YOU and only YOU can choose to let words hurt.